The Sylvan Lodge at Snake River Sporting Club, Jackson Hole, WY
AN HONEST GUEST REVIEW 🛁🛁🛁
If you had told fifteen-year-old me that in the future I would willingly visit Wyoming and absolutely LOVE IT, that girl would never believe you! She was a beach-only, Caribbean Queen. This older version of me, my current reality, is intolerant of heat and humidity and craves the clean, fresh air and crisp weather of the American mountains! So, when the cult announced that our next meeting would be in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, hubby and I booked our tickets, STAT.
The beauty when you step off the plane—I’m talking literally at the airport—takes your breath away. Snowcapped mountains painted against the bluest sky from above and the greenest trees from below. I’ve never seen colors so vibrant before. I fell in love immediately. This post, however, is not a review of Wyoming’s scenery (which would be 5 shower curtains, by the way), but rather a review of The Sylvan Lodge at Snake River Sporting Club, Jackson Hole, WY. The Sylvan Lodge is about forty minutes from the airport, and OMG what a beautiful drive! We passed Teton Village (the airport is basically in Grand Teton National Park), where you could see the ski trails etched into the mountainside. We followed the glittering Snake River as it carved its way through more snow-capped mountains and passed by an enormous Elk preserve. We passed ranch after ranch as the mountains turned green and…wait…there I go getting off track with the scenery!
The Sylvan Lodge at Snake River Sporting Club is nestled deep in a verdant valley, cradled by mountains. The property boasts tons of ranch acreage full of friendly horses, a tranquil lake, and a spectacular golf course. We stayed in the lodge, a small, boutique hotel. Sylvan Lodge also offers homes to book for your stay, especially if you are traveling with a large group.
I loved the vibe of the lodge. They combined cowboy-chic with Restoration Hardware (literally) to create a modern, upscale ranch experience. We were greeted with water bottles and hot towels to wash the travel from our hands and face. The bellman delivered us to our room while explaining the property and some of the amenities, like 24-hour complimentary beverage and snack stations on the second floor, a bar on the third and rooftop hot tubs! A welcome gift of rosemary-caramel popcorn waited for us in the room, as well as two Yetis to borrow for our stay. We were off to a good start.
The upscale ranch vibe continued into our room…cow hair and leather combined seamlessly with black iron and wood. We stepped into a cozy seating area open to the eat-in kitchen with a bar countertop and cowhide stools. Floor to ceiling windows allowed for lots of natural light and a view of the surrounding mountains (and parking lot). They used the same hardwood on the ceiling as they did the floors, a detail that I loved. Off the seating area was a small balcony with a coffee table and chairs, so you could really immerse yourself in the beauty of the parking lot, I mean nature. The bedroom had the same hardwood detailing on the ceiling and walls, but not on the floor. There, the hardwood was replaced by carpet. I don’t love carpet in hotel rooms…think of all the feet walking on that rug. It’s not a deal-breaker, because zero carpet/rug hotel rooms are hard to come by, but it does add a sprinkle of skeeve to my stay. The only bathroom was located off the bedroom. It was on the smaller side, simple, with a glass shower stall across from the toilet and one counter with two sinks.
The toiletries provided were minimal, soap, lotion, shampoo and conditioner, all Lather brand, and all smelled like kitchen lemon cleaning supplies. They included a few makeup remover packets and a jar with Q-tips and cotton pads. The contents of the jar were not individually wrapped, meaning someone had to grab them off a cart and shove them into the tin...also not my fave, add another sprinkle of skeeve. The blow dryer, though, was awesome! It was Moroccan brand in the gorgeous teal that is typical of their products, and it came with two diffuser attachments. It was very long, making it hard to wrangle, but it was light and powerful and obviously new. At first glance, I was pleased, this place was chic—it seemed awesome…but then I looked closer, and that’s when shit got weird.
As I was unpacking my toiletries in the bathroom, I noticed that the mirror on my side of the sink still had the warning sticker on the front…hmm. Upon further inspection, I saw that the packing cling wrap wasn’t removed from the outside of the mirror frame and was partially ripped off and hanging in some areas. I figured, maybe they got a new mirror and forgot to remove the packaging? Right below that mirror, sitting on the counter, was another stand mirror, with no magnification or light. Since there wasn’t much space in the bathroom and I already had to put some of my toiletries on the floor, I decided to relocate the little mirror to the kitchen. When I picked up the tabletop mirror there was a huge chunk missing out of the granite with the pointy end of a nail sticking out. What in the world? I looked up from the crater to see that the glass light fixture above it was cracked (see photos below). Something crazy happened in this bathroom!
Then, I noticed a tall, rectangular metal object standing up on the floor across from the toilet. I called my husband in to check it out and he deduced that it was the drain from the shower! The shower drain was outside the shower, because that’s normal. We both started inspecting the drainless shower stall and that’s when we noticed all the painter’s tape sticking to the tile around the top of the shower. Ok, so either a violent crime was committed in this bathroom, or the room isn’t finished, it is still under construction. If the latter is true, why would they put guests in an unfinished room? The place was empty; there were plenty of open rooms. As I contemplated the two theories and ultimately decided that I would go with the bathroom murder story when describing this place to friends, I saw that the panels on the vanity beneath the sinks were missing! The hinges were there, but no panels, allowing for an unobstructed view of the sink pipes. Seriously, what the heck happened in this bathroom?
But that’s not all! We started unpacking our suitcases and that’s when we found out…wait for it…there was NO closet! A hotel room, with no closet! Now, to be fair, there was a door in the bedroom that looked like it should open to a closet, and a suspiciously closet-shaped rectangle jutting into the bathroom behind said door, but the door was locked. So, where were we supposed to put all our clothes? The solution presented to us by Sylvan Lodge was a set of hangers found on the coat rack next to the front door-not joking. See below. I have to repeat this because I still cannot believe it, we stayed in a hotel room with no clothes closet. No closet. Does this exist elsewhere on planet Earth? I think not.
This revelation prompted us to start opening all the doors and drawers in the place to see what other weirdness we could find. In the kitchen, there was an empty floor to ceiling pantry-like space next to the actual pantry that looked like it should have held a washer and dryer (so maybe the room isn’t finished after all?). The kitchen had a full-sized fridge and full-sized dishwasher but no stove or oven. In their place was a piece of butcher block and cabinets that did not open. We found spare towels, a steamer and the blow dryer in the bedroom dresser, because, there was no closet. We called down to the front desk (the people working there were lovely) and they had no answer for us on the closet situation other than, “some rooms don’t have closets, I guess.” What? But this room technically does have a closet, it is just locked…perhaps that’s where the murderous rodeo clown from my violent crime theory stashed the murder weapon?
I wish the weirdness ended there, but I must quickly mention 2 other incidents. Second day, we came back to the room after lunch and were hit in the face with the thickest, foulest sulfur smell you could ever imagine. Hand to God, my eyes were watering. I couldn’t stay in the room. I went down and talked to the front desk who called maintenance. When we returned to the room in the early evening, the smell was gone and the front desk assured us that “the problem was in the hallway” and not in our room—which was funny because the hallway never smelled. Don’t decomposing bodies also stink to high hell? My murder theory was starting to gain traction. Then, on our last night we went to dinner in Teton Village, and when we came back, the entire kitchen was flooded. We couldn’t find the source of the leak or hear dripping; we just stepped in about a half an inch of water. What was my imaginary rodeo clown up to now? We called again for maintenance, but they left for the night and the front desk had no solution, so we put towels down, went to bed and checked out first thing in the morning!
While the “peculiarities” were inconvenient, they certainly made for funny stories. My closet-less crime scene of a hotel room was a hit with the cult! The bottom line is that the Sylvan Lodge at Snake River Sporting Club has a lot of potential. Love the décor, love the location, love the employees. They could use some upgrades in the toiletries department; kitchen lemon just isn’t a smart choice for hair. We had turn down service on only one night and they left the two of us only one caramel (I guess we were supposed to share it?), and there was only one robe in the room—probably because there was nowhere to hang a second—so, they need to work out some kinks. On the one hand, they’ve only been open for one year, so maybe they should get a pass, but on the other hand, they’ve been open for an entire year, so maybe they should get it together!
For a small, unwittingly spooky, boutique hotel, they have cool rooms with great style, and the hotel itself has some nice amenities. If nothing else, The Sylvan Lodge gave my cult exactly what they didn’t know they needed—a murderous rodeo clown, a drainless shower and a rekindling of their faith in my completely unhinged hotel standards. Sometimes a hotel doesn’t need to be perfect to be perfectly entertaining! I give it 3 shower curtains.
AN HONEST GUEST REVIEW 🛁🛁🛁 Three Curtains—Ranch chic hotel with serious potential, but a room that was clearly not ready for guests.
